I am shocked by number of Facebook babies.  I call them babies because while many 8-12 year olds are more tech savvy than their parents, they still lack the judgment and maturity to protect their privacy.  A recent study that found 25% of children age 8-12 that use the internet have a profile on Facebook, MySpace or Bebo even though the legal minimum age for most social networks is 13.

The majority of parents in the survey knew that their kids had a FB account but 17% did not. What was astounding to me was the amount of personal information that I could find out about my own 8 & 11 year old children’s peers that were facebook babies while not being “friends” with them.  90% of the kids that I searched had many photo albums, videos and interactions public, viewable to the entire internet. One 12 year old did a strip tease (fully clothed) kissing the camera while the other lamented being alone in her house while her family was bowling.


Why are so many children using social media?


The Internet has become the modern day playground so children, as well as adults, need to know the rules that will protect them. Children, especially tweens, have a strong desire to feel a part of a group or be popular. Obtaining facebook friends is a means of validation.

What should you do if you find your child on facebook?

First, don’t freak out. There is an incredibly strong desire in tweens to feel a part of a group and social networking fills that need for many. Banning it completely without validating their desire to fit in will only backfire and have them seek out ways behind your back. I am not advocating that anyone under 13 have a social network account for many reasons, but you have to team up with your child and explore the internet together.

Children that don’t feel connected to their family or friends are especially vulnerable to predators on the Internet so education is key.

Dr. Deb’s Social Media Safety Tips

1. Can’t Beat them, so Join Them

The first step is to talk to your child and have them show you Internet sites that interest them starting at the earliest age and begin to teach internet safety.

No chat rooms

Don’t click on anything in the margins, as they are usually advertisements

Don’t allow posting without supervision

People may not be who they say they are

Teach them to take a breath and think before posting.

Reinforce that the internet is forever and everyone can see whatever he or she posts.

Never post contact information or personal data like birthdates and addresses

Don’t post about future events… like “whoo leaving town tomorrow”

I don’t see the need for children under 13 to post anything but the lesson needs to be taught,

“Don’t post anything that you wouldn’t want Grandma to see.” as soon as the kids can use a computer.

Watch this PSA with your child from Phineas and Ferb that talks about Internet safety.

2. Keep Computers in Open Public Areas

Keep computers out of your child’s bedroom and in an open area so they will be less likely to post spontaneous indiscretions. A webcam is a weapon and since many laptops have them children should NEVER have access to them alone.

3. Become a Social Media Expert

I do not recommend social media accounts for children under 13 but I do recommend that parents join them. You have to learn how it works to become familiar with the dangers that they many encounter. I let my twins watch over my shoulder to be a part of it without allowing them to take the wheel themselves. One son has already decided that it is the biggest waste of time while the other has a certain fascination with it but since he has been exposed, he can gradually learn about under my watch.

Facebook is very complicated in regards to privacy, especially with the new open profile graph that shares your public information with thousands of sites including Pandora, CNN and yelp without you even realizing it.

The most important thing to know is exactly what your child has made public or shared with everyone. Remember, if it is public you don’t have to be on facebook to see it. There are other settings like sharing with friends of friends that I do not recommend. Share only with friends and “friend” only people that you know in real life.

Many people think that they have the highest privacy settings but do not, as the mother of my strip tease girl discovered.  She knew her daughter’s account and checked it regularly but didn’t see the video at the bottom of her page. Even the privacy setting page is confusing because video privacy is on the applications privacy setting which is separate from the photos albums which is on the personal information page. The settings under your account are the default setting so once you change the default you still must check all of the individual photos and videos that were previously created. CONFUSED????

Here is a great video to help you change facebook settings to remove your self from the new open graph as well as change your other privacy settings.

This is a great article with step by step instructions for privacy information.

If you want to delete your child’s account, you can follow this link.

Deactivating vs. Deleting….. More Confusion

They are 2 separate things. When you deactivate, all of your account information is still there. Even when you delete your account, your photos may be visible on anyone of your friends that have your photos on their page. So again

Don’t post anything that you wouldn’t want your grandma to see.

4. Keep Constant Surveillance

Google your child and search for them on facebook and My Space while you are logged out of facebook so that you can see what the public sees. Ask a friend to do the same. Do this on a very regular basis. Since facebook changes so much, your default settings may change without you realizing it unless you check.

How can anyone keep up with these changes? Join a website that will send you regular articles about changes. This is critical as media is constantly changing and you need an expert to help you navigate. I find getting a twitter account to be very helpful for this.  What the heck is twitter?  Well you have to find out since all the kids are using it. Basically they are little bursts of info, that can be private for public, often times with links. You can follow me on twitter here.

More Resources

I recommend this site for parents for cyber safety tips.

Facebook recommends this site for parents.

If you are worried about your child’s internet use the FBI has this publication.

You have to learn the rules of the internet playground early because that is where your babies will live. Just like riding a bike, let them have some time using training wheels before they crash and burn.

You can find me, Dr. Deb, on Facebook in the margin on the upper right and give me a LIKE! I’ll appear in your newsfeed with my links to my latest blog when you do that.

Social Media is crazy but here to stay.

Peace,

Dr. Deb